From the Moment We First Laid Eyes on Each Other
by Lexi-TheEvilRegal
Summary: Emma Swan knew that she had messed up. She had hurt her son and the people in her life, but the problem was that she had no control over her life anymore. A year and a half later after she leaves town, she gets a call. Is she ready to go back home? To face the darkness that has plagued her mind? To see Regina again after all that she has done? SwanQueen Endgame, Angst and Slow Burn


A/N: The plot is basically the same here, but Hook is dead and Ingrid wasn't killed by the curse. This takes places in the same time frame as Emma becoming the dark one, but they do not go to Camelot. All your questions will be answered in due time. Now enjoy and review if you would like me to continue. Cheers loves!

Chapter 1

* * *

Do you know that feeling? The one when you look at someone and see something that you didn't before? Nothing has changed, you went through your normal morning routine, maybe even got a few more hours of sleep than most nights, but you wake up anew?

Maybe it was the way your coffee didn't taste as sweet or the flavor barely reached out to caress your tongue. It's only temporary, whatever this...fear is, it will go away. But you didn't really know if it's truth or if you're trying to convince yourself.

* * *

"I'm not saying that I don't want to be near you right now, Ingrid. I just-I can't do this right now, okay? I need some time to think about it." Emma tried to keep her voice from cracking as she spoke to her former foster mother.

"Just promise me that I won't have to come pick you up from the station again."

"Yeah, sure. I can do that." She prayed that she would actually follow through this time as she hung up. Out of habit, her thumb caressed the plastic, hoping it would somehow give her strength. Her tears staying at bay, but just barely.

Picking herself up and fixing her hoodie, she walked across the polluted streets of New York, New York. A cough forced its way out of her lungs. It had been a year and a half since she had left Maine and all its residents had to offer. Sure, she wasn't exactly rich, maybe even in an ideal situation, but she had a place to sleep.

Entering a very old and torn up building, she flashed the bartender a grin. "Kate, I don't know where you've been, but I has seriously missed the hell out of you. Jim thought you left us."

Gulping down a shot of whiskey, the redhead snickered and slapped the older woman upside the head. "That's bad on your part for thinking you could get rid of me, darlin'."

Rolling her eyes, Emma suddenly became serious. Her should slumping like they had a weight of a thousand pounds upon them. "Ingrid wants me to come back home again. I don't know what to tell her."

Kate groaned. "Just tell her to fuck off already. Either that or you can stop being such a fuckin' priss and give you know who a piece of your mind. She can't stop you from being around your home."

"I know, I just hate the idea of it. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh hey guys, sorry to barged in on you after disappearing suddenly, but I'm back now and ready for us to be a family?' I think you are forgetting all the hell I went through in Storybrooke. I can't even say her name anymore. I feel pathetic just sitting here. Besides Mary Margaret would hate me, I'm supposed to be her and David's 'perfect' child, remember?"

"Each time I hear you say that, it gets more and more pathetic. I think the one you should be worried about is Henry. You never even told him what happened between you and the R word. If you didー"

"You know why I can't do that, I mean, god dammit Kate." Covering her face with her hands for a moment, she stood up and walked out of the bar. What a mess. Fuck it. She wasn't going to live like this anymore. Slamming her body against the wall, she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

I'll come back on one condition, don't tell anyone.

Sighing, she closed her eyes. "I am utterly screwed."

* * *

That had been two weeks ago. She felt guilty as she caught a glimpse of the emerald ring on her finger. It wasn't even her style, but she told Toby that she'd wear it. Now she sat on the first flight back to her home-place without him. They hadn't really spoken. Maybe he'd forgotten about her, at least it'd make things easier.

To think of Emma Swan being engaged, the idea made her feel like she was in a constant elevator, going down as the walls closed in on her. Her heart barely having anytime to think. Her eyelids became heavy, her breathing evened as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to find some comfort in going to place where everyone held a different expectation of her.

The Savior.

She hadn't been that ever since Cruella, possibly even longer than that. She felt like a child again. But the nightmares were worse. The same constant dream, or yet, the same memory.

* * *

"Emma?" Regina looked at the blonde woman, searching for something to hold onto. Reassurance that her friend was still underneath all those layers of darkness. Her appearance was the same, but her eyes, something had changed. The other woman had just randomly appeared in her house. It was late, around 3 AM. Nobody heard anything from the other woman since she took the swirling vortex of black inside her, which had been almost a month ago.

"I know that I'm not supposed to be here and that Robin is waiting upstairs, but I don't know what to do. I need-nobody else can help me." She avoided all eye contact with the other woman, afraid that if she let the brunette see, she run away just like everyone else.

Furrowing her brow, the older woman stepped aside to let the dark one in her home. Once they were situated in the study with the fire place, a sense of deja vu hit both woman. They had done this before, the night that Emma came to town.

"Are you going to just sit there like a statue, dear? Because if so, I can always go back to my expensive sheets."

She nodded her head. "Right, uh," the younger woman inhaled deeply, "something isn't right. I mean, obviously since I'm the dark one now, but that's not the point."

"Miss Swan, just spit it out already." Her voice held no venom, in fact it was almost soothing, but there was a warning that went unspoken.

Glaring for a moment, she cleared her throat. "Fine, I think I'm fading away, okay? It's hard for me to explain, but I'm blacking out. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I talked to Gold. Maybe I thought that since he has experience, he could help, but I'm just as clueless as when I walked into his shop. I knew it'd be different, but I can't control it and I can't stop it."

"Stop what, dear?" Regina knew she wasn't referring to the blackouts.

"This." She pulled up her sleeves to reveal large patches of scrapes. Claws. It looked someone or better yet, something was trying to tear into the other woman so deep that it would reach the bone.

Gaping, the queen seized the pale arm and held it. Her eyes inspecting the wounds. "Where did these come from, Miss Swan?" Her voice held urgency.

"I did it."

* * *

That had been the moment it had all went downhill, well, not literally. Regina had taken her in. She stayed in the guest room and hardly left the mansion, but it was nice. Henry got to play the Nintendo with her once the sun came down every night as Regina prepared dinner. It was weirdly, yet perfectly domestic.

* * *

Laughing loudly as she watched their son fall in the lava playing Mario, she made her way into the kitchen.

Regina was standing next to the stove, struggling to tie her apron.

Taking a hold of the long ribbons and helping the mother of her son, Emma gave her a small smile. "You know it's okay to ask for help sometimes. I promise I won't tell anyone that the all powerful former mayor is actually quite human."

"I'd be careful if I were you, I can still kick you out on the streets, you know. Or better yet, hand you off to your mother." Brown eyes sparkled with mirth as she teased her friend.

"In that case, I'd better make myself useful." Pulling the hair tie from her wrist, she put her hair up into a classic Swan messy bun and grinned. "How can I serve her royal majesty on this fine evening?" She imitated a pathetic version of what was supposed to be a sophisticated noble and bowed.

Scoffing, the brunette slapped the younger woman on the arm. "You are quite lucky we aren't in the enchanted forest, peasant." Once she received kicked puppy dog look, she sighed and dropped her persona. "But I supposed you may help boil the pasta."

Grinning like a two year old, Emma hooked her Ipod up to the built in stereo. Soft jazz played in the background. As they both stood by the burners, the dark one found herself smiling. Regina was by her side, barely humming as she swayed back and forth to the melody. She was so soft. So…..unlike anything Emma had ever known before.

"Stop staring before I turn you to a crisp, you burn those noodles to that pot and it will be the last thing you do."

Blushing and looking away, she focused back onto the sizzling of the water . It was different. She felt accepted and needed. Of course it would never be admitted out loud, but Emma wanted every day to be like this. Her problems had suddenly vanished and things were quiet.

But she still couldn't shake the feeling that even though this moment was peaceful, there wouldn't be many like it. She wanted with everything in her to tuck Henry in at night and secretly take in the scent that was Regina as they both hugged him. The way she was almost jealous of how their son was always on the other end of the brunettes affection.

No. this would not last. But damn her hope.

* * *

It only took a month before the scars on her arms were reopened. She screamed at night, but buried her face into the pillow. She wanted to do it alone, prove that she was as strong as any 'savior' could be. Still, there was the pain.

Wiping away the tears, she didn't even look up when she the sound of soft footsteps padding against the expensive wood floor echoed in her ear. Dizzy, that's all the blonde felt. An almost silent apology left her mouth as she smelled Regina's nighttime lotion.

A soft finger pushed itself against her chapped and trembling lips. "No apologies, Emma. Don't think, stop thinking."

She couldn't ever remember feeling something so soft, something so warm and goddamn wonderful as being held by the queen. Somehow, Regina knew what she needed and she had never been more in debt in her entire life.

Tears soaked a silk nightgown and both women fell asleep in each other's arms exhausted. Olive fingers completely still and bathed in honey locks. The dark one's nose buried in the older woman's chest, with her fingers clenched as if she would die if they let go of the other woman's hand.

Neither of them talked about it afterwards, but they were closer. Occasional brushes of comfort and even reassurance had become almost a given to each and every day. It was like all the bad things had just floated away and they were just left to be. Emma actually enjoyed cooking and cleaning for the first time in her life and Regina, well, she got a pretty interesting experience with the flat screen.

* * *

"What in the actual hell? You are telling me that humans actually built that giant ship? I'm impressed, I guess not all of you are completely useless." Smirking she didn't take her eyes off of the movie, 'Titanic.'

Pretending to be offended, Emma scoffed. "I'll remember you said that, just because I am not as superior as you doesn't meant that I am not capable of taking you out, your royal cheekiness." Sneaky and adept fingers made their way underneath the blanket and towards Regina's feet.

"If you value those fingers, you will stop what you are doing immediately."

"Aw! C'mon!" Pouting the blonde crossed her arms and huffed very cutely.

"Oh you poor thing." Cooing and teasing Emma as she stroked the dark one's forehead, she received no response and she continued watching the film.

Silence filled the air up until the part where Jack and Rose snuck through the factory running from Cal. All the while, the younger woman kept getting closer to the queen. She knew that they intimate part of the movie was coming up and she craved to be closer. Her lips accidentally brushed against the brunettes neck as she hid. Both of them gasping slightly. Moans filled the air and neither could look into the other ones eyes. Good job, Swan. Choose the movie that would make things the most awkward.

Flushed complexions, heavy breathes and Emma felt her heart racing. When had things changed? She couldn't stand the thick tension. Her head swarmed. Using all the energy in her body, pale, cold hands reached for the other woman's jaw. What is wrong with me?

The skin, so impossibly soft and warm. Both pairs of eyes drank in each other and oh god, it was earth shattering. Regina's lips parted and her breathe could be felt on Emma's lips. Her head spun. This was bad, this was terrible. God, she was in deeper than she could even handle. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward. Needing to feel Regina.

God she craved and ached utterly to have her very heart burst in her chest.

"Regina, are you home?" It was Robin.

* * *

Almost breathless as she awoke from her sleep, Emma sat up. Feeling her heart still clenching in her chest, she realized where she was. This wasn't a happy ending and Regina would probably never want to see her again. A dinging filled the air, signalling it was time. Once she exited the plane and found her luggage, she took in the sight of the town that she had hoped she would never see again. The same chilly air and the same suffocatingly small amount of buildings.

She was home. Good old Storybrooke. Same old heartbreak.


End file.
